In various contexts, there is always talk of the importance of a child's basic trust. For example, we know that a lot of physical contact with the baby promotes the development of its basic trust. The same applies if there is an opportunity to cuddle immediately after birth. Bonding or parents regularly use the Smile of their child.
When it comes to basic trust, however, I often experience uncertainty, especially among so-called "first-time parents". What is this primal trust all about, what exactly is it? The prefix "primal..." possibly suggests a primeval inheritance that evolution has passed on to children. So are babies endowed with basic trust from birth? Unfortunately not. However, it can be said that every child is born with the ability to develop basic trust. This is particularly successful under certain conditions.
The German poet Jean Paul (1763-1825) once said: "With a childhood full of love, you can live half a lifetime for the cold world." I think this sentence sums up quite well how basic trust "works". But let's take a closer look at this.
What does basic trust mean?
Jean Paul meant with his statement: Basic trust is a fundamental foundation for life. It enables your child to develop a stable personality, self-confidence, interest and an optimistic attitude towards life, as well as to maintain satisfying social relationships later on.
For a baby who has just been born, everything changes at once. For example, it has to learn to process and categorise a whole host of completely new sensory impressions and experiences. It is dependent on your help, the support of its parents. If the baby regularly experiences that mum and dad are promptly there when it needs them, this gives the child a great deal of emotional security in this initially unfamiliar world.
First of all, this means recognising the baby's needs and responding to them appropriately so that the child does not go hungry and cold, does not lie sore in full nappies or feel alone and abandoned. This is why, in addition to being fed, clean and warm, babies also need a lot of closeness and affection from their carers, which is essential. From this security, the infant's trust in "its people" and the world gradually grows. This trust in turn enables the child to turn to other things and other people without fear. This is because it has learnt that it can always feel safe and secure. This in turn strengthens their self-esteem.
In this way, the little person becomes a big person who not only trusts themselves, but also other people and the world and can engage with it. This also influences their ability to maintain good bonds and relationships with other people in adolescence and adulthood.
When it comes to responding immediately to a baby's needs, however, I experience a certain amount of uncertainty among some parents: "Is it okay" to spoil babies in this way? I would like to make this very clear: babies cannot be "spoilt"! They can't yet tell us in an orderly fashion: "Hello mummy, I need you to be close to me right now." Or "Hello daddy, please comfort me!" Ultimately, crying or screaming is the only language your baby uses to tell you that something is wrong or that something is needed. If parents respond promptly and hear, see and respond to their child's needs, the basic trust that makes them strong for life will grow in them every time.
By the way: Even if the child is older, perhaps already attending a day group, kindergarten or school, this principle remains the same: Don't be afraid of "spoiling" the child, just because you continue to listen to them attentively, see them, accompany them and take their needs seriously. This - together with trust in the child and in yourselves as parents - is the best thing that mums and dads can give their children! This gives them roots and wings at the same time.
What favours the child's basic trust?
To make your child strong, you don't need exclusive toys, baby courses in early Chinese or bags of money. Your love and trust are literally enough and priceless anyway. Here are a few tips that are particularly good for building basic trust.
Bonding: When the mother holds her baby skin-to-skin in her arms immediately after the birth, her body releases the bonding hormone oxytocin. She experiences feelings of happiness. At this moment, the newborn experiences a sense of security in its new, completely foreign world. This is because it has already recognised its mother's familiar voice and emotions during pregnancy. During this first Bonding Immediately after birth, mother and child get to know each other and establish their mutual bond. This process intensifies over the course of the days and weeks, so that a clear element of basic trust can already develop in the child.
Many mothers who have not had the opportunity to bond after giving birth for certain, often medical reasons, worry that their parent-child relationship could be disrupted as a result. However, these moments in the delivery bed are not the only way to build a stable bond and basic trust. Your midwife will be happy to advise you on how you can catch up on bonding. Of course you can also contact me in my online consultation contact.
By the way: Bonding is of course not only important for mothers - fathers can also strengthen the bond with their baby in this way. The newborn baby on dad's naked upper body familiarises it with his smell and also conveys protection and security to the child.
Security: Physical closeness, especially with lots of skin contact, gives your baby a cosy and secure feeling of familiarity. So take every opportunity to cradle your children in your arms, stroke them and cuddle with them. This also applies to all dads. A loving family atmosphere in everyday life also strengthens the child's feeling of security.
Care: This means being there for the child and responding attentively to their needs. This means not only lovingly satisfying their hunger, providing them with clothes and a fresh nappy or meeting their need to sleep. This also includes giving your child comfort and attention or satisfying their curiosity and desire to play. In this way, your baby learns that it can rely on those closest to it.
Rituals: Even the very youngest children experience so many new and exciting things. Then recurring and familiar "ceremonies" provide the child with more orientation, a sense of security and reliability. This can be, for example, a song sung to put them to sleep, a place in the home that is always the same for breastfeeding, a funny finger rhyme when changing nappies or a gentle Oil massage after the baby bath.
From the traditional Birthday table to a warm drink in the morning, rituals are also very important for older children and us adults.
Have confidence: Trusting the child and its ability to develop is easier said than done. Yet this is an elementary basis for building basic trust. In my experience, we parents realise just how much we have lost our basic trust when we are asked to trust our children. Strengthening our own trust is not only worthwhile for us and our strength, but also for the development of our children.
A good approach here is to look at the baby from a different perspective: When we try to perceive the competences already present and the learning speed of the little babies. From this perspective, parents can marvel at the achievements and progress of these little creatures. This strengthens their own courage to trust the child and its ability to develop.
Trusting someone is an active process that parents can model for their children. Learning to trust and building basic trust are developmental steps that parents can take together with their children.
What makes it difficult to build basic trust?
In everyday life, there will of course always be situations in which parents do not react patiently, lovingly and sensitively, but are stressed, irritated or sometimes overwhelmed. This is completely normal and no cause for concern as long as the "basic relationship" with the child is stable. Your baby won't be harmed if you let it cry for a moment just because you're in the toilet or dad is a little late picking it up from the childminder.
If, on the other hand, the child experiences distance, harsh behaviour, incessant prohibitions, unkindness, belittlement, indifference, rejection, neglect or abuse in its (early) childhood, this significantly jeopardises the development of its basic trust and damages its soul. The same applies if the child witnesses partner violence. In these and other cases, the child lacks the reliable security of knowing that their carers will be there when they need them. His trust in himself and others or in the world will be correspondingly low.
However, the same also applies to overly high expectations of the child. If excessive demands on the child arise from parental (over)care, trust is also lost. Focusing on the child's needs is the key to success.
But even children with a strong sense of basic trust can be thrown off course by traumatising experiences such as a loss (e.g. the separation or death of parents or a parent) or so-called necessary medical treatment (e.g. if the child is seriously ill in hospital). To ensure that their trust is not jeopardised and a trauma actually manifests itself, they now need reliable, loving people at their side.
However, if everything is not as it should be, then it can happen that a small, insecure person becomes an older child or an adult who develops abnormalities due to their disturbed basic trust and/or the injuries suffered by their soul. These include, for example, problems engaging in relationships (including friendships) with other people, but can also include a fundamental mistrust, aggression, strong withdrawal or fears.
Nevertheless, it is still possible to learn later, to process what has been experienced and to build up (new) trust. This can be done through corresponding positive experiences that virtually overwrite the old negative "programme". This is known as experiential trust, which can grow. Psychotherapeutically trained specialists can often support this, even with young children.
Accept help
If you have the feeling that you are not managing to build a loving bond with your baby, don't be afraid to seek help. There is nothing to be ashamed of, quite the opposite: parents who seek support in difficult situations are acting very responsibly! Your midwife can be your first point of contact. She can put you in touch with the appropriate support services. You can also contact various organisations in the support system of the Early help contact. Family counselling centres are also available, Family midwives and maternity clinics as well as paediatric and gynaecological practices and the Online midwife consultation Possible contact persons.
Preparation for responsibility:
Many mums-to-be are confronted with their confidence in the first few weeks of pregnancy. Joy, but also fear for the continuation of the pregnancy, are feelings that almost every pregnant woman experiences. These first weeks of pregnancy, in which there is no medical help for the embryo, but only trust in its ability to develop and a caring lifestyle on the part of the mum-to-be can support the pregnancy, are both a challenge and an opportunity to lay the foundations for parental trust.
Once this time is over, it is important to prepare well for the time with your little one so that needs-orientated baby care does not fail due to a lack of knowledge and skills. All-round carefree is the course package from emergency midwife Katharina that supports expectant parents during this important preparation time.
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