Right in the centre instead of just next door
Fortunately, the days when fathers had no place at the birth are over. Today, it is a matter of course for women giving birth, midwives and other professional obstetricians that fathers are part of the process. Over 90 per cent of pregnant women have their partner at their side during the birth - and in the vast majority of cases, this is the father. It is quite possible that you would also like to have the father of your child with you when your baby is born.
This wish has only been granted to women giving birth in German maternity clinics since the 1970s.
As a midwife, I have been preparing pregnant women and couples for many years in my Birth preparation courses for the big day. In my experience, this preparation is the be-all and end-all - not only for you as a mum-to-be, but also for your partner or the father of your child. Of course, this also applies to any other trusted person who is your personal Birth support should be. They can all fulfil their role all the better and provide you with support, security and assistance during labour if they are appropriately prepared. This starts with knowing where their place is during labour - namely at your side. This also means close to your head. Because the midwife and the obstetric team are reserved for the immediate labour process.
In my experience, if the father of your child is to accompany you to the birth, it is also part of the preparation that you both discuss your ideas, mutual expectations and possible fears well in advance. Have the courage to talk openly about it!
Fathers are often (initially) unsure whether they are the right companion for the birth at all. Some also harbour doubts as to whether they can bear to see their wife go through so much effort and pain and supposedly not be able to do anything about it. The fear of feeling helpless and superfluous is widespread. Just as often, however, fathers are overflowing with happiness afterwards that they were able to experience this unique birth event. They usually describe it as "indescribable" to see and hold their baby for the first time. And they are also immensely proud of their partner.
Dear fathers - This is what is expected of you!
We midwives know that you are worried about your wives and possibly also about whether your baby will be born safely. And we can also understand if you are desperate to ease your partner's labour pain. But that's exactly why I'm appealing to you:
- Have Trust in your wives, they will master the birth. And you will be amazed afterwards at how much strength your women actually have!
- Please also have Trust in us midwives and other birth attendants! We have so much experience with very different birth processes and the different personalities of women giving birth and are well placed to judge what to do (or not to do) and what helps. Ask us if you have any questions or doubts and let us help you too. Then we will be a good team together.
- And also have confidence in yourself! You will be surprised how much you can support your wives and how important you are to them. There can be no question of a "helpless" or "superfluous" father! Be courageous and creative in your support - and please don't be miffed if the woman giving birth rejects your offer and wants something completely different from you. For example, keep quiet instead of talking. Get ready for this special day. A Birth preparation course is just as important for you as it is for the woman giving birth. After all, every member of the birth team should be able to think, talk and help competently! The Online birth preparation course from notdiensthebamme.de is perfect for couples and partners, for example. Because you can devote yourself to the topics that interest you at the moment and for which you have time and leisure.
What fathers should not do at the birth
At this point, however, I would also like to tell fathers openly what the harms the natural birth processnamely when they act as birth companions, e.g. in hectic actionism! It doesn't help if the father asks for painkillers for his beloved or vehemently demands that we "do something as quickly as possible now". On the contrary: it does the woman giving birth and the child a lot of harm. not good if pressure and restlessness spread in the labour room or delivery room and thus impair the birth process. Also Dispute is completely counterproductive, no matter with whom. Of course, fathers can and should communicate the wishes of the woman giving birth to the professional obstetric team if she is unable to tell us herself. And we will also take their wishes into account if the situation allows. Rest assured, dear fathers: We will do our best - and your wives will do theirs anyway - to ensure that your baby is healthy and happy when it is born and that you can soon hold it in your arms. That's why you should also do your best during the birth!
What can fathers do in the delivery room?
Even if it may not feel like it to you, you are doing the most for your women in labour when you encourage her, praise her, reassure her, hold her hand, massage her, support her in the birthing positions or even breathe with her. Just be there for them! Most women giving birth signal very precisely what they need and what is good for them. Fathers experience time and again how powerful women are. Many get to know their partners from a previously unknown side, are fascinated and admire them. The shared birth experience often brings a couple even closer together.
But midwives sometimes also see fathers at the birth who interpret the message "Just be there" in a completely different way: Some just sit by and "document" the birth every minute on their smartphone, perhaps even posting it on social media. That would really be misunderstood accompanying behaviour! "Live reports from the delivery room via social media" are disruptive The magic of these hours and disrupt the pain-free labour of mother and child.
Bringing a child into the world is something completely natural, but an elementary experience for both of you. How wonderful if you can share this with each other and bond even more. There is no "trial run" for this - but as I said: a jointly drawn up birth plan is always helpful, also to be able to adapt flexibly to the fact that things sometimes turn out differently than expected during labour. Also from my Online courses I know that fathers have many questions about the birth: How long does it actually take? I can't see blood - will I be confronted with it in the delivery room? Can I go out in between? These and other uncertainties are completely normal. I will be happy to answer all your questions in my Online counselling.
Once the baby has made it and felt the mother skin to skin for the first time, the father is usually allowed to cut the umbilical cord. At least the first two hours after the birth belong to the family as undisturbed as possible. This is when the first tender, important bonds are forged between parents and baby in this world. In technical jargon, this is called Bonding. How wonderful if the father is there right from the start. But don't worry: if this is not possible for whatever reason, the beginning of his relationship with the child and the all-important first bond can be made up for later.
