Every now and then I receive questions from parents about how to successfully say goodbye to nappies. When the first birthday is behind the family, some mothers and fathers ask themselves the pertinent question: "When will it be time to at least familiarise my child with the potty?"
Here I would like to share some basic information with you on the subject of getting dry. It's important for me to tell you in advance: you won't achieve anything with pressure in this matter! On the contrary: because pressure only makes your children insecure, the whole thing - in the truest sense of the word - goes down the drain.
Let natural development take its course
Moving from the nappy to the potty or toilet is just as natural a developmental step as, for example, the Learn to walk or Learn to speak. This means that some children start earlier, others later. This means that every child develops at their own pace when it comes to saying goodbye to nappies. Neither rewards and praise nor scolding or urging will change this. You've probably heard the old saying: the grass doesn't grow any faster, even if you pull on it.
Children go through a physical maturation process before they are able to control their bladder and bowels. First of all, the corresponding nerve connections have to develop in order to coordinate the brain's co-operation with the bladder and bowel. This means that the brain must receive the signal: the bladder/bowel is full. This must then be correctly categorised: please empty. In addition, the corresponding action must also (be able to) be realised: go to the toilet or potty. This in turn requires the child to tense its sphincter and pelvic floor and hold back the urine or faeces until it is actually sitting on the "throne" and can "let it go".
So your child has to learn to master very complex processes that older children and us adults take for granted and function automatically when we say "I have to pee".
Many little ones are surprised at first when - without a nappy - they suddenly notice a stream running between their legs. Super absorbent Nappies make it a little harder for children to sense that "something is coming down there". For example, it is a big step when children let you know that their nappy is full or when they deliberately retreat to a quiet corner to do their "big business" in their nappy.
A Swiss long-term study provided what I consider to be very impressive evidence that the natural maturation process for becoming dry cannot be controlled. The famous Swiss paediatrician and author Remo Largo was also involved in this study. Over a period of around 30 years, the researchers compared whether and how so-called "potty training" affects when children become dry.
In the mid-1950s, it was still common practice to start "cleanliness training" shortly before a child reached the end of its first year. At that time, 96 per cent of all toddlers were regularly potty-trained. It was hoped that this "training" would teach them to do their business there. The fact that modern washing machines had not yet found their way into households certainly played a role in this. And disposable nappies did not yet exist either.
Towards the end of the 1970s and the beginning of the 1980s, the next wave of research took place: only 20 per cent of children had to undergo "potty training" shortly before their first birthday.
Now comes the interesting thing about the two surveys: The results were always the same! Whether with or without "potty training", the children were dry at an average of 28 months at both times of the surveys. Although the children surveyed in the 1950s were potty-trained an average of 1,300 times more often than the young participants almost 30 years later. This did not change the result.
I have described this in such detail so that you know: Ultimately, you will save yourself and especially your children a lot of stress and disappointment if you keep calm, trust your child's development, wait for their signals and don't try to force something before their time that they are not yet ready or able to do. And by the way: children who are dry earlier than others are not better or smarter because of it!
Trusting your child on the way to becoming dry
Around half of all children today are initially born in their second year of life. during the day dry. By their fourth birthday, this applies to 90 per cent of all children. And by the time they are five years old, all of them have regularly made it.
Many children signal to their parents when they are ready to say goodbye to their nappy. As already mentioned, this may start with indicating a full nappy and requesting a fresh one. You can also pay attention to when your child shows an increased interest in the potty or toilet. Perhaps their favourite cuddly toy or doll "has to" go on the throne now? Some children also want to "try it out" themselves. At first, they will certainly do this with their clothes on - but at some point they will want to try it with their bare bottoms. And those who no longer wear bodysuits will find it easier to undress and dress themselves.
Many young children also experience this in the family and become increasingly curious about what their parents or older siblings do on the toilet. If they are simply allowed to watch, going to the toilet not only becomes a completely normal thing for them, but they also observe the corresponding actions at the same time. Some children also want to see the results and then try out the flush or toilet brush themselves.
It may also be that your child no longer wants to stay still during nappy changes. I know some parents who have started changing their child's nappy standing up. The little ones immediately feel much bigger and think it's great to no longer lie there passively "like a baby". You could then also start to establish a connection with the bathroom by gradually moving the nappy changing to there.
Whether your child is on a Potty or on the "right" toilet (for relaxed sitting, preferably with Seat reduction) to do their business doesn't really matter. Just let your child guide you, they will feel what suits them and what they want. Some toddlers also find the "big hole" a little scary at first, where their faeces disappear into the toilet, never to be seen again. They may initially feel more comfortable on a potty. On the other hand, one mother told me that her two-year-old daughter had discarded her nappy on a long journey. However, there were no alternatives to the normal toilet on the way, so the little one learned to cope without a nappy without any stress. Another mum told me that "getting dry" was not an issue for her son until almost his third birthday. And not for her either. One day, the boy suddenly asked her with wide eyes: "Mum, am I big yet?" She replied in amazement: "But yes, I think so!" The little boy replied: "Then I don't want a nappy. I'm going to the loo now." He said, took off his nappy and was dry from then on.
And as with all developmental steps, it's the same with saying goodbye to nappies: it works - but not equally well every day at first. Here too, practice makes perfect! If the child is in a calm and balanced mood, they will be more likely to recognise the "I have to go" signal in time and make it to the potty or toilet seat. If, on the other hand, the child is excited, angry, full of exuberant joy or completely absorbed in play, the "business" may occasionally go in the panties. Never mind. Just put on a fresh pair of dry trousers and carry on. No need to make a big fuss!
