Sex during pregnancy is (almost) always possible. Much less often than most couples believe, there is actually a reason to temporarily abstain from sex. In most cases, anything that is permitted and pleasing is allowed.
When Klara became pregnant, she had been living with her partner for seven years. Neither of them had expected to have a child and had settled into a life as a couple. So they were all the more surprised and delighted to hear the news that they were expecting a child. Today her son is already nine years old, and Klara still says: "I had the best sex ever during my pregnancy. And it was with my boyfriend - but also with myself!"
It is not uncommon for women to have an increased desire for sex during this time - and to experience it even more lustfully and intensely. This is because the female body is much more sensitive during pregnancy, mainly due to the increased oestrogen levels. This pregnancy hormone leads to increased blood flow to the sexual organs and pelvic region, which heightens arousal. The nipples are also more sensitive to touch. Many pregnant women can also experience orgasms longer and more intensely. And this is true both during sex with their partner and during masturbation.
Of course, good sex during pregnancy doesn't just mean "pressing the right buttons on your body". It takes more - for example, a relationship that is as beautiful and stable as possible, like Klara and her boyfriend's, a reasonably carefree life, sufficient knowledge about important questions and processes during pregnancy, mutual trust and a lot of openness - as well as a partner with a desire for closeness and physical affection. And even all this is no guarantee for more libido and pleasurable hours.
Especially in the first trimester of pregnancy can possibly affect a woman's sexual desire through mood swings, tense breasts, and a lack of sexual desire, Nausea nausea and Tiredness experienced a major setback. That's completely normal. What woman wants to exchange wet kisses or relax and enjoy tender caresses when the last meal has just gone down her throat? Or she feels so tired from all the physical changes caused by pregnancy that all she wants to do is sleep?
Even pregnant women who are not plagued by such symptoms in the first trimester do not automatically feel like having sex or even want to have sex more. This is because it always depends largely on the individual woman and her emotional state. For example, if you are tormented by many questions, you will hardly be able to get in the mood: Will we be able to manage financially with the child in the future? Shouldn't we move into a bigger flat - and can we even afford it? Will I still be attractive to my partner with a baby bump? What will happen to our partnership once we are parents? Can I even be a good mum? etc.?
In the second trimester at least the physical symptoms of an incipient pregnancy have usually subsided, so that desire could become more widespread. And the belly has not yet rounded to the extent that it would be "in the way" during sex, depending on the position. Many couples now also find it very liberating not to have to think about contraception - after all, they are already pregnant. And during this time, of course, no further eggs can be fertilised.
Nevertheless, even in the second trimester if the pregnancy is normal, not every pregnant woman wants to get in the mood sexually. If there are underlying uncertainties, many of them can be overcome with good information from the midwife, doctor or counsellor. Pregnancy counselling centre can be safely resolved. If this is due to nagging personal issues that are preventing you from having a fulfilling sex life, talk about it! Especially with your partner, but also with the professionals mentioned if necessary. This is always a good idea to talk out worries, solve problems and get help.
However, you may still not feel like having sex in the second trimester of your pregnancy. This is also completely fine and normal. But don't give up emotional closeness, cuddling and intimate togetherness at the same time - and certainly not honest, open dialogue with your partner. Because confiding your feelings, needs, wishes, expectations, fears and disappointments always leads to better mutual understanding and strengthens your relationship in any case.
In the third trimester the fun of sex decreases again for many pregnant women. Not only does the baby start to grow and push here and there, but mum's belly also grows considerably and restricts her mobility more. This can lead to more frequent back pain, more frequent urge to urinate and Heartburn often now also reports increased Tiredness back. In addition, quite a few women feel increasingly unattractive sexually the closer they get to giving birth.
In the truest sense of the word, sex seems more and more arduous when you can barely see the tips of your own feet. However, it is not impossible, especially in positions that are comfortable for pregnant women such as the Lateral position (spoon position), sitting (riding position, in which you can also regulate how deep the penis penetrates) or in the Quadruped position (doggy style). None of these positions put any strain on the pregnancy. The classic missionary position, on the other hand, is generally avoided now. A woman should generally avoid lying on her back in the third trimester and therefore also during sex (missionary position), if only because otherwise blood circulation may be impaired. In the supine position, the weight of the baby and the vena cava can cause the vena cava to become blocked. Uterus more compressed. This in turn makes it harder for the blood to circulate, which is good for neither mother nor child.
Another important tip for the third trimester: Male semen contains prostaglandins. These hormone-like substances can close to the due date - and only then! - The intercourse can trigger contractions, soften the cervix and make it easier to open. Some couples therefore deliberately use sexual intercourse shortly before giving birth to induce labour naturally. Sometimes this even works. If you want to avoid this in any case, you should have sex shortly before labour. calculated date abstain from sexual intercourse or use a condom.
When is it better not to have sex during pregnancy?
As I said, if the pregnancy is normal, sex in any form is completely safe for the mother and the unborn child. However, there are complications where caution is advised or sexual intercourse of any kind should be avoided altogether:
Previous miscarriage(s) or premature birth(s): Before your current pregnancy, did you already have early Miscarriages (up to 12 or 16 weeks of pregnancy), your doctor will now generally advise you to take it easy. This applies to High-risk pregnant women also for sexual activity. If the subsequent check-ups do not reveal any changes to the cervix or any shortening of the cervix and the child's development is also normal, you could be given the "green light" again with all due caution.
Restraint is probably also recommended if you have already had a premature birth before the current pregnancy.
Bleeding during pregnancy: If heavy bleeding occurs after intercourse, possibly accompanied by pain or cramps: Please contact your midwife or doctor immediately! Further sexual intercourse is then taboo.
However, sometimes there is a slight and harmless bleeding in the vaginal mucus after you have made love. Again, this is nothing to worry about. In most cases, this is merely a so-called Contact haemorrhage as a reaction of the well-perfused cervix, which you may already know from previous gynaecological examinations.
Premature labour or premature opening of the cervix or a Cervical weakness or Loss of amniotic fluid/premature rupture of membranes or a Multiple pregnancy: In all these cases, you should refrain from any sexual manipulation of your vagina or anus. The same applies if you have a Cerclage was placed to keep the prematurely opening cervix closed with a band for as long as possible.
Malposition of the placenta (placenta praevia): The Mother cake normally settles in the uterus well away from the uterine outlet. After all, this is where the baby has to pass through when it is born! In some pregnant women, however, the placenta is positioned differently - for example, lower than usual, too close to the cervix, or partially or even completely blocks it. In this case, strict protection is usually the order of the day - even when it comes to sex!
Vaginal infections during pregnancy, such as a urinary tract infection or sexually transmitted diseases, should always be treated by a doctor. If recognised early, they can usually be treated well during pregnancy. To ensure that they can heal properly under treatment (and often also under the treatment of your partner) and do not endanger the unborn child, you should refrain from unprotected sexual intercourse during this time. If in doubt, talk to your midwife or doctor about this.
Incidentally, some heterosexual couples tend to use condoms during sexual intercourse throughout the pregnancy in order to prevent possible infectious diseases. However, this decision is entirely up to you. I don't think this is necessary in a long-term, reliable partnership.
And for cold sores during pregnancy: The herpes viruses are contagious. Herpes on the lip (herpes labialis) can become a vaginal herpes infection (herpes vaginalis). The infection can be transmitted in any direction.
Therefore: No oral sex with an active herpes infection! This is also important so that you don't bring an active genital herpes infection with you to the birth, which is a Caesarean section would result. This is because an infection of the newborn with herpes viruses through a vaginal birth can severely damage the baby.
Fathers-to-be need not be afraid of having sex with their pregnant partner
Many "pregnant" fathers feel a special bond with the expectant mother during pregnancy. And they enjoy it when the woman has a particularly strong desire for sex during this time. Conversely, they can also accept it with a great deal of understanding if the opposite is the case. I think these developments are really excellent!
However, some "pregnant" partners are also quite insecure when it comes to sex during pregnancy. Whether this is the case naturally depends on many factors, including cultural background, personal beliefs and attitudes, level of education and, of course, the quality of the relationship with the partner, who is now increasingly likely to be a mother soon.
Here are a few examples of the reactions, fears and insecurity that can occur in expectant fathers in pregnancies that are not proceeding normally:
General concern for the unborn child - in particular the fear of somehow hurting it during intercourse. Dads-to-be should know that they cannot "hurt" the unborn child with their penis, as it is neither touched nor constricted. In short: nothing happens to the baby! It is well protected by the amniotic fluid in the amniotic sac and the thick uterine wall. The baby is also usually spared from germs because a mucous plug seals the cervix.
The fear of triggering premature labour or rupture of the membranes through sexual intercourse: As previously explained, pregnant women often experience particularly intense and prolonged orgasms. And these pleasurable contractions are naturally felt by their partners. It's no wonder that some men fear that this could provoke contractions. However, this cannot happen - unless it is at the very end of the pregnancy. In this case, the contraction of the uterus during orgasm can certainly lead to labour pains and start the birth. But that's also okay.
The uncomfortable feeling of being "in a threesome" during sexual intercourse: Some fathers have the oppressive fantasy that they could bump their penis against the baby's head during intercourse. Or that the unborn child is watching from the inside and can see everything directly, including the father's penis. Once such distressing images get stuck in a dad's head, they are certainly hard to get out. But, dear fathers-to-be, such ideas are completely unrealistic, because they NEVER happen! So it's best to read up on your partner's pregnant body - knowledge helps you to say goodbye to such fears. Or talk to your midwife about your concerns so that they can be dispelled. Your gynaecologist is also always available to answer such questions for you and your partner. The same applies to the Pregnancy counselling centres.
Fear of harming the pregnant partner through sexual intercourse: Yes, this can certainly happen - namely if you as a couple do not talk openly about your feelings and practices. Talking together is an important prerequisite for adapting sexual activities to the changed needs of the pregnant woman, including the position during intercourse.
No desire for sex occurs in quite a few men during pregnancy. There can be various reasons for this.
Some partners, for example, do not know how to deal with their pregnant partner, both physically and emotionally. The woman often seems strangely alien to them, some men feel "cut off" from her. My tip: Talk to each other about your feelings, even if it's difficult.
Other partners may not be able to cope with the constantly changing body of their "once so slim, beautiful wife". But, dear men, please realise one thing: it may be even more difficult for your partner to accept the changes to her body without the growing uncertainty as to whether you still find her attractive at all. Some women still feel less beautiful during pregnancy, even if this perception has decreased significantly compared to previous generations. So please show your pregnant partner how great she is in every way you can! This will strengthen her and you as a couple and will also benefit your child.
For many men, for example, the leap from lover to father also commands a great deal of respect. It's understandable that these two roles are difficult to reconcile at first. But it won't be much different for the pregnant woman in her new role as a mother. Even in the face of this unstoppable development towards parenthood, only one thing helps: talk about what's on your mind. Confide your worries and fears, which are probably not so different from each other, but are often real "pleasure killers"! And if you are both torn between being a lover and being a mother or father, it will certainly be much easier to realise together that one does not exclude the other!
My midwife's tip for couples on the subject of sex during pregnancy:
During a inconspicuous Pregnancy without complications, everything that is good for you (and legal!) is allowed during sex. Indulge yourself if you feel like it! And enjoy physical love to the full. Pregnant couples will succeed best if they talk openly about their needs and feelings, but also their fears or concerns, and look for solutions together to create a good atmosphere. You owe it to yourselves as a couple and to your baby as parents! If there are still uncertainties that you cannot resolve, don't be afraid to talk to your midwife, doctor or pregnancy counselling centre. You can also contact me at my online midwife counselling about it. The following always applies: There are no stupid questions - there are only your questions! And answers that are sure to help you.
