This article is written especially for you and your partner. So get your partner to join you, make a cup of tea and sit down comfortably. Read this article together and look forward to the life that is being created by the two of you. Of course, your partner doesn't necessarily have to be your baby's dad at the birth. You may also have a partner or take your mum or best friend with you to the birth. In that case, you can of course read this article together with them. However, this text will always mention dad, as I think it's incredibly important that your baby gets to know their dad - or the person who is their dad - now. So dad can also be a second mum. In the following, you will find out exactly why I think this is so important and what your baby's father can already do to build a bond with his baby just like you. You can attend my Team Partner workshop together to learn more about this article: https://notdiensthebamme.de/online-events/teampartner
My workshop will make you both more confident for the birth and in dealing with your baby. I am both a midwife and a mum and I would like to share my many experiences with you so that you can enjoy your time together during pregnancy. So that you are also super prepared for the birth, I also recommend my Birth preparation course.
Your baby, your partner and you - How is your partner already building a bond?
Your baby was created by the two of you. You are a good team, otherwise the baby wouldn't even exist. It doesn't matter whether your baby was planned or not. While you as a mum automatically build up a bond with your baby, dad has to make a little more effort. Your hormones ensure that you feel connected to your baby all by themselves. This is different for your partner. He can't feel the baby yet, perhaps hasn't even been to the ultrasound appointments yet and doesn't have such a strong change in hormones to prepare him for becoming a dad. This makes it all the more important that he makes an effort to build up a bond himself. As a dad, you can actually influence whether or not you and your baby have a good relationship during pregnancy. But how exactly can this work?
The most important thing is that you take plenty of time: for your partner and for your baby. Prepare yourself for what is happening right now and what is to come in the future. Spend time now telling your baby something, stroking it and trying to feel it. Take part in your partner's antenatal check-ups, have an ultrasound scan of your baby. Read a book for expectant dads and visit the Birth preparation course with your partner.
You can also support your partner now by helping her with her nest-building instinct. Most pregnant women start getting everything ready for the baby early on in their pregnancy. As a partner, you may be standing there wondering why a nursery has to be set up so early or why the nappy-changing unit has to be assembled. For you, as a dad still on the outside, this may seem early. For the mum-to-be, however, it can't go fast enough to get everything ready. Even if you are objectively right: Setting up the nursery might really still have time, it's still important that you help with it. Because you are close to the mum-to-be's intimate needs. This will support your bond, but also the development of your child. Because your child will benefit from the happiness that completing the nest brings to mum.
Why are men important at birth?
The most important thing you can support your partner with is the birth itself. Of course, you can't do this part for her. But with good preparation, you can both manage this situation well together. As the baby's dad and partner during the birth, you can take on various tasks. In fact, you can help bring your baby into the world. You can find out exactly how to do this in my team partner workshop: https://notdiensthebamme.de/online-events/teampartner
But the partner at the birth is more than just a helping hand. The partner is part of this wonderful process. It is a good opportunity for the dad to experience the birth of the baby as part of his bonding process.
Tip: As a dad, you should never miss the birth of your baby. Be there when your child's life begins
Talking is the be-all and end-all
You can support your partner in many ways during the birth. To do this, you need to talk often and in detail in advance about what is important to both of you and what your fears are. You both need to make it clear what you expect from each other and how you can best help each other. If you talk about this for the first time during the birth, then this is definitely the worst time.
Explore what parenthood means for both of you during pregnancy. What do you want your upbringing to be like? How did you grow up, what do you want to take on and what do you definitely not want to take on? In my workshop, I will give you a few suggestions for a birth preparation talk so that you can both prepare yourselves in the best possible way.
How does a birth actually take place?
Most men can't really imagine what a birth is like. No wonder - after all, even we women don't know exactly what to expect beforehand. However, I can tell you a few things about the birth in advance, although every birth is different.
Firstly, birth is not like in the film! In most films, babies are born very quickly and usually while the woman is lying in a hospital bed surrounded by lots of doctors. Fortunately, this is not how birth happens in most cases. The birth of your baby will probably take place in the delivery room. A midwife will be there to support you. If everything goes smoothly, you will not need a doctor during the birth of your baby. The midwife wants to support you during the birth. In the best case scenario, you won't really need them. This will work if you and your partner are really well prepared for the birth.
Secondly, a birth doesn't have to be hectic and loud. It works much better if you are both relaxed and calm. Both you and your baby will stay relaxed if you are well prepared. Fear or anger leads to tenseness. This, in turn, causes unnecessary pain and can lead to labour arrest. It is therefore extremely important for all of you to be well prepared and relaxed!
How do I get security for the birth?
The consequences of an obstetric arrest are the increased use of painkillers, vaginal surgery and an increased caesarean section rate To avoid this, you must work together to ensure that you go into labour calmly and safely. Look forward to the birth. It marks the beginning of your parenthood. But how does a dad gain confidence for the birth? A Birth preparation course can prepare you both equally for the birth. It takes away your fear and builds up your knowledge. The more knowledge you acquire, the more confidence you will gain. The more knowledge you acquire as a dad, the better you can support your partner during the birth. In my Workshop team partner I have lots of helpful tips for you on how you can prepare even better for the birth and why it is important that you are both physically fit for it. If one of you loses confidence during the birth, you can always turn to your midwife. She can also reassure you and ease your worries.
What can fathers do at the birth?
- Know your partner's birth plan, her preferences and her fears
- answer administrative questions from midwives and doctors, your partner has more important things to do
- Support your partner in the birthing positions
- stand motivatingly by your side
- just be there
What can fathers do after the birth?
Even after the birth, i.e. in the postnatal period, it is important that you are there as a dad and partner. Enjoy the time together. It's best to take holiday or parental leave. The longer you have time off, the better. It's great if you can relieve your partner of some of the housework after the birth. But it's even better if you really take the time to bond with your baby. You can take on all the tasks except breastfeeding the baby.
Wow do I build a bond with the baby?
The following list applies equally to both partners. It is important that you as mum really trust your partner to take on the role of dad. This is the only way he can build a good relationship with his baby.
- by smelling - sniff your baby
- look at it, take a close look at everything, this is your baby
- take photos, capture the moment while it's so small
- touch your baby, stroke it, explore how it feels
- take care of your baby, swaddle it, bathe it, dress it, take time for it
- sing songs to your baby (it doesn't matter if you can hit the notes!)
- tell your baby something, read to him
- Develop rituals for you and your baby (for example, putting your baby to bed at night)
You can find out how you can prepare for the birth of your baby together in my Workshop team partner.
You can delve even deeper into the topic in my online courses, for example in the Online course infant care and in the Birth preparation course.
